Things are worn out and starting to fall apart from me. But got no strength to grab it. Even in my arm's length. Can't go mad, can't beg either. Wonder how I've got this far. Wonder how come I've made myself worthless this much. There were apparent reasons why I was suffering from dyspnoea these days. Even can't shed any tears at all and I'm just, just, depleted. Yeah, depleted. That might be the proper word. I know clearly that I've caused all these. So I've got no words to rebut if someone blamed me or cursed me. I just hope that that moment come a bit later. A bit later, so that I can make some time for escape. Escape. Even though I've had plenty of time for that till now. Funny. I even don't know whether I have any right to use the word hope. I wonder is there any hope for hopeless.

I wish I can talk to myself more often. I wish I can focus on myself a lot more. But I always evade. Don't wanna face it at all. I'm carrying a heart that is made of mineral. I know I should, I am supposed to go mad or be sad or at least scream. But I ain't got nothing to make it happen. Or make it back. Even dunno whether I really do wanna make it back or not. Things are just changing and going far away. I'm just looking at it. Looking at it with hollow pupils.

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